When I was in 4th grade, Sean wrote me a love letter.
I can still remember holding the piece of folded notebook paper in my hand and excitedly reading his praise. I was “nice,” I was “pretty,” and he “really liked me.”
I was only 10 years old, on the cusp of preadolescence, without the raging hormones and the melodramatic lifestyle that comes with the territory of a teenager. I was experiencing what it felt to be appreciated, to be seen, to be felt as special.
Love Letters Then
You’ve probably experienced a similar doting of love… or perhaps, you never have. Or, maybe you’re like me and the last time someone “wrote a love letter to you” was in your teenage years, when puppy love was a virus that spread from homeroom to homeroom and eventually etched itself into the back page memories of your yearbook.
Love Letters Now
You’re older now, wiser now and even better… you love yourself even more now. You don’t need someone else to write you a love letter, because you’ve got love for yourself from within.
Which is why, without your 4th grade crush in the picture, you get to write yourself love letters regularly. Because YOU are your crush. YOU are the apple of your eye. YOU are the love of your life.
Why You Should Write Yourself a Love Letter
Society does not teach us to love ourselves the same way it teaches us to love others. But the love starts from our own place of abundance, and so it is actually giving love to the world when we focus on giving love to ourselves.
And when we begin treating ourselves like the love of our lives, we attract the love of our lives. We connect with a deeper part of ourselves that just wants to be loved and to feel love. And when we write ourselves back to love, we replenish our glasses with that emotion which life can drain.
How You Should Write Yourself a Love Letter
Writing yourself a love letter isn’t hard to do, but it can be hard to feel. Especially if you’re not into the practice of complimenting, flattering and feeling good about yourself… this exercise will open unknown beauty about yourself, but first you get to break down the walls which may be preventing you from acknowledging how amazing you truly are.
Here’s a step-by-step process to writing a love letter. Feel like you don’t need the structure of this methodology? Awesome! Go full force, focus on you and get started writing.
How to Write a Love Letter
The idea of writing yourself a love letter may feel daunting and that’s totally OK. Use that emotional feedback to motivate you to write the love letter. If you’re feeling uncomfortable with the idea, it probably means you should go get a glass of wine and some dark chocolate and write yourself a damn love letter, girl!
1.) Find a gorgeous piece of paper and your favorite pen.
The quality, craftsmanship and character of your utensil and material should match the beauty you believe you are / or would like to be.
2.) Etch out at least 45 minutes of quiet time in solitude to write yourself the love letter.
This doesn’t mean find the busiest Starbucks at 4PM on a Saturday afternoon, or write the love letter in your car while stuck in traffic on the freeway. This means creating a dedicated time and space that is holy and happy for you. This is a declaration of YOUR time for YOU because you love yourself enough to create it.
3.) Turn on peaceful or romantic music.
Tracks I recommend: Corinne Bailey Rae “Put Your Records On,” Amy Winehouse “Back to Black,” Jill Scott “Golden.” Tracks I don’t recommend: Black Eyed Peas “Scream & Shout,” Katy Perry “Last Friday Night,” Lady Gaga “Just Dance.” (but you’re more than welcome to blast these when working out!”
4.) Before you even start writing “Dear [insert my name here] …”
… write out a list of character traits you love about yourself. Go the extra mile and add in the things you’ve accomplished in your life that you’re particularly proud of.
What I Love About Me
I am …
smart – I graduated with honors!
focused – I write a to-do list every night before bed!
stylish – My friends raid my closet regularly
loving – I give out hugs like it’s my job!
Then, I challenge you, write a list of character traits you don’t love about yourself. Why? You’ll find out in the steps to come …
What I am that I don’t like …
hard on myself
overweight – I can’t seem to shed the extra 5 pounds
distracted- I can’t seem to stay focused
insecure – I can’t seem to feel 100 percent confident
5.) Begin to write.
Follow these steps to get into the groove:
1.) Date the letter.
You’ll want to refer back when writing future letters, or just to feel the energy of your love in moments your glass is drained of its loving water.
2.) Begin with “Dear [insert name here]” …
… but if the moment calls, add an adjective to describe your love. “Dear beautiful, amazing, inspiring Sammy” is an example.
3.) Using your list of loving and not-so-loving characteristics as inspiration …
… write to yourself like you are writing to the love of your life, your best friend, your parents, your siblings, or anyone in
your life that you love deeply, passionately and unconditionally.
- What do you REALLY want to say to yourself? Don’t hold back. Let it spill. Tell yourself unconditionally how beautiful you are, how amazing you are, how smart you are.
- Don’t hold back!! Feeling like you don’t deserve this praise? Then you get to break through the resistance and write ALL the love you’re afraid to share with yourself.
- You can write full sentences, or you can write shorter, snappier snippets of love expression. “Dear Sammy, you are awesome, hot, gorgeous, loving, caring, self expressive …” works just as well as “Dear Sammy, I love how you take care of yourself and enjoy fashion and use it as a source of inspiration for yourself.”
- Let the words flow in whatever order, fashion or structure feels right. This is a love letter, and so you write it in love and not self-criticism of how it’s being written or presented. You can be the only one who ever sees this.
4.) Now turn to the list of descriptors you don’t like about yourself.
Did you say you were overweight? Did you say that you weren’t focused, determined, smart enough?
Do your best to turn those frowns upside down. An example: “Dear Sammy, I forgive you for being so hard on yourself. I forgive you for thinking all these terrible things about yourself. I want you to know that you are NOT these things. I want you to know that I think nothing but strength of you and that you show up to me as fit, focused, determined and smart! I forgive you for not feeling you are good enough, and I love you so much exactly as you are right now.”
5.) Set a timer for at least 20 minutes.
Want to stop sooner? Keep writing. Be repetitive. Dig deep. Allow what you don’t know you love about yourself to come to the surface.
6.) Getting emotional?
AWESOME. I’ve experienced beautiful breakdowns-to-breakthroughs writing myself love letters. The floodgates open and all of a sudden I’m crying, laughing, sobbing and writing all at the same time. It’s a euphoric feeling that will have the same positive, stress-reducing effects as a massage, a good night’s sleep or dare I say it, a freaking awesome orgasm!
7.) When 20 minutes has passed or you feel settled in your love letter after the 20 minute mark …
… sign your letter with your name and as many XOXOs and “I LOVE YOU!s” as possible.
8.) Now, reread your letter.
Read your letter out loud! Put that letter in your wallet to reread over lunch break! Make the letter a holy piece of happiness. Smile with its presence. And know that at anytime, you can rewrite that letter. You can love yourself MORE. You can declare even MORE positivity into your life.
9.) Feel like sharing the love you have for you that you have to give to the world?
Email them to me, sammy@sammyd.TV!